Am I on the right path?

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Assalamualaikum and hi to all my imaginary readers!

I wonder if I ever can be a legit blogger. I can't even keep up with posting regularly. I procrastinate a lot and I am always out of ideas. It's amazing how Aida Azlin can do it- writing Tuesday's Love Letter, weekly. Like today, since I am off from my part-time job, I took a day-off from doing my research (read: refuse to go to the university (and this is not very healthy cause I actually have so many things to do and my research is actually meeting a dead end and I definitely have to find something else in order for me to graduate)) and forced myself to take a shower, dressed up and took a train to the nearest Starbucks and here I am, sitting at a table, writing while drinking Venti size of Caramel Macchiato. Not like I'm obligated to write a blog post or anything, just that I feel like I have to get some things out of my head since it's getting a lot messier.

So, getting back to the title- Am I on the right path?

Being in the early twenties (can't believe I can't call myself teen anymore), I realised that I'm in that phase of life which I'm entitled to so many decision-making. Hence, brings me to where I'm always wondering whether or not my decisions are all correct or worth it. When I was a kid, I always imagine my life will be the normal-cliche-ideal-crafted life, i.e. school, university, graduate, find a partner, get married, have kids, live happily ever after or so. Now that I'm actually living the reality, it's just so much more than that, and I finally come to a realisation that it is true what people are saying- each and every one of us lives a very different life, very different. And we just can't complain and unless you are doing something about it, you'll regret your decisions and going to feel bad about how it turns out.

Unfortunately, like how I am. I wish I can be more like Aida Azlin. She's just so optimistic and she just looks the world in a very positive filter. Disclaimer: sorry that I mention her so much in this post, cause I kinda wanna write this post cause of her last love letter- 'Erm... Why Isn't Failure An Option? (A Musing)' and if you didn't read it yet, hurry up and sign up to her newsletter now. Okay, back to my story now.

I'm not sure if I'm regretting all my decisions so far, but to say that I kinda don't work hard enough to live my life, yes, totally agree to that. Looking back, I wonder what would my life be right now if I didn't eat so much when I was a kid, I'd totally rock the skinny look by now (okay that's for a start haha). What if I didn't transfer to boarding school (though this is one thing I definitely didn't regret)? What if I didn't further my studies here in Japan? What if I decided to accept the offer to study law in UIA? And the list goes on and on and on... If I did choose to do all those things instead, I might be a different person now. Better than who I am now, or might be even worse. Who knows. In fact, just like the title of this post, I seriously don't know if I'm on the right track- in my studies, relationships, health, how I live my life, how I handle my finances, my faith, whether I'm a good person or not. I just don't know.

If you still here, reading this post till this point, I'm sorry to get you caught up without giving you anything good- neither a very positive point of view nor a very good moral of the story and whatnot. It's just that, I really hope I'm not the only one who is struggling in this journey of so-called 'adulthood'. Don't get me wrong, not that I'm hoping that you would be in misery just like I am now, but I just hope I'm not alone in this (I would love to know if you're in this too! *wink*) I really hope we will figure out how we would want to live our life, not worrying if it's correct or not, to other people or even to ourselves. I just hope we won't ever regret our decisions.

So, here's the visual of my current position- writing a very lengthy post and hopefully not that useless, while sipping a 550¥ Venti size Caramel Macchiato. Till then, Assalamualaikum.

Love, 
D.

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