Love, D.

Assalamualaikum and hi to all my imaginary readers! I wonder if I ever can be a legit blogger. I can't even keep up with posting regularly. I procrastinate a lot and I am always out of ideas. It's amazing how Aida Azlin can do it- writing Tuesday's Love Letter, weekly. Like today, since I am off from my part-time job, I took a day-off from doing my research (read: refuse to go to the university ( and this is not very healthy cause I actually have so many things to do and my research is actually meeting a dead end and I definitely have to find something else in order for me to graduate )) and forced myself to take a shower, dressed up and took a train to the nearest Starbucks and here I am, sitting at a table, writing while drinking Venti size of Caramel Macchiato. Not like I'm obligated to write a blog post or anything, just that I feel like I have to get some things out of my head since it's getting a lot messier. So, getting back to the title- Am I on the...

Assalamualaikum and hi, my imaginary readers! How's your Ramadhan so far? I really hope the holy month brings us the utmost in peace and had brought us closer to Allah not just in the month itself, but I pray that the spirit of Ramadhan remains in our hearts and lights up our souls from within. Also, I hope the remaining days of our Ramadhan will be filled with many ibadahs and hope we all get to find Laylatul Qadr (disclaimer: copy-pasting sentences from postcards I've sent out).  As this is the second year that I have spent and may or may not be the last year that I will spend Ramadhan abroad, away from my family, I've decided to write a post about it. Though I thought I have so many things to talk about which I supposed to have to, but now the words are just not coming out. Anyways, I hope when you are reading this, you are actually wondering how different it is to celebrate Ramadhan, not in the place or situation or among people that you are used to. I...

Assalamualaikum and hi, my imaginary readers! Funny thing- my very first post in 2019! How are you guys, been well? These few days I’ve been here and there and emotionally unstable. I’m not sure whether it’s the time of the month or what but when I checked it’s not it (so I can’t really blame it on my menses). Come to think about it, I am at one of the peaks in my life. Not a good kind of peak but a very miserable one. Making decisions. One of the things that I’m not just not good at but also hate to do. That and also growing up. Growing up is so messy especially because it’s not a destination, it’s a journey. And it’s filled with thorns and so many falling downs.   Wish I could tell you guys, my imaginary readers, what my dilemmas are. But I think I have to deal with it on my own first. I really miss writing and will be posting a lengthy post, soon I hope. Hope it’s not too late to wish you guys happy fasting and Ramadhan al-Mubarak! Love,  D ...

I stare at today's date Wondering why it looked so familiar Triggering a part of my brain Triggering a chapter of my life I hold my pen tight  Not knowing what to write Never written a poem to anyone Never thought you'd be the first one As I scribble a few words Many thoughts crossed my mind Am I being selfish Am I being unfair And so I've decided This is not a goodnight But indeed a goodbye Also, happy birthday

I've been meaning to write for a very long time already. It's like I literally have no time to even sleep sometime. Now that 2018 has finally come to an end, I feel like I have to write something since this year has been very difficult for me. If I were to say how bad it was, remember when in bahasa people always say, "hidup ni bagaikan roda, kadang kita di atas kadang kita di bawah" or "life is full of ups and downs"? Well, 2018 for me is like the very bottom of the wheel and it hit a very big rock and it stopped for a little while there. So how exactly has 2018 treated me? Well, that sounded a little selfish though. So how exactly have I spent my 2018? To put it in some sort of a phrase, I would say 2018 was the start of my journey to adulthood and it was definitely not a good one. Looking back in the days of 2018, I actually did something very big. I actually freaking MOVED TO ANOTHER COUNTRY. Though it wasn't my first time being apart from my fa...

Assalamualaikum and hi, my dear imaginary readers! It's been a very long time since the last time I wrote. I know I promised an end-year post or at least a new year post or whatnot but now it's already August so yeah. I've been busy (malas sebenarnya) with my so-called new life? condition? Something like that. I've been living in Japan for 5 months already. So macam I'm struggling to adapt lah. Kalau nak cerita the whole thing; studies, kawan, everyday life semua tu, I think I need a veryyyy long post for that. So basically, I'm still trying to accept the fact that I'm studying abroad and kena terima lah whatever the challenges are. Sometimes tu macam amazed gila with the fact that I used to be a very motivated person. Like if I'm determined to do something, I'll do it. Tapi sekarang, I feel like I'm a very negative person. I don't feel like myself dah. So, finding myself is one of the struggles jugak sekarang ni. Actually, this time...

When I was young, I've never thought that growing up would be this hard. I didn't know it involves 'heart' and 'feelings' this much. Few more days of 2017 and 3 months left till I can finally 'restart' my life again (hopefully). For almost three years of being here, I have learnt so much, gone through so many things. Knowing people, friends became strangers, got my heart broken for few times, super hard and long cry, non-stop laughter, changed because of people and became the reason for people to change and many more. My first year being in the 20s was hard, but I've learnt a lot. Countless of 'thank you' and 'I'm sorry' to countless people. I'll put it all on my end year post. I really hope this year ends well. Love,  D.